Your First Name Isn’t Doctor: Reclaiming Your Identity Beyond the White Coat
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“Hi, my name is Dr. Grymes, and I’ll be the anesthesia resident doing your case today. How are you?”
"Are you sure you're old enough to do this?"
"How long have you been working here?"
"Are you being overseen by someone else?"
These were three of the most common responses I received as a female anesthesia resident when introducing myself to a patient. Society has a stereotypical image of a doctor, and based on my race, gender, and tattoos, I was far from it. In an attempt to overcompensate for my imposter syndrome, my entire identity became intertwined with my profession. I wasn’t just Jae anymore - I was Dr. Grymes.
Why It’s So Easy to Lose Ourselves
Healthcare is a grueling profession, demanding a lifetime of personal sacrifice. The "prime" of our lives is often spent holed up in a library for 12 hours a day studying or in 70-hour workweeks as a resident. In some ways, it’s understandable why our careers assume our identities - we’ve invested and sacrificed so much that we want to make sure it was all worth it.
Let’s not forget why many of us entered healthcare in the first place: to help others. That in itself is an emotionally and psychologically demanding role - one that is intensified when we sometimes care more about our patients' health than they seem to care for themselves.
Historically, men have dominated medicine. While the demographic of healthcare providers is shifting, the mindset of the industry lags behind. As women, we often bear the additional weight of gender biases, societal pressures, and the expectation to excel in traditional roles: mother, wife, mentor, leader - all while maintaining the same high-level performance in our clinical careers.
That’s a lot.
In our attempt to show up for everyone, we often fail to show up for ourselves. What starts as professional ambition can quickly morph into something all-consuming.
It feels good to be recognized: chief resident, clinician of the quarter, and keynote speaker are all admirable validations. When our entire identity is wrapped up in our profession, we run the risk of measuring our self-worth solely by our professional achievements. When our sense of self is tied exclusively to our careers, we become vulnerable to:
● Burnout – from neglecting our personal lives in pursuit of professional success
● Imposter syndrome – persistent feelings of inadequacy and self doubt
● Compassion fatigue – the emotional toll of constantly giving to others without refilling our own cups
Sound familiar? I know for me, the above hits eerily close to home. I have to remind myself that my profession is what I do, not who I am. But knowing this and actually living it are two different things.
So how do we start reclaiming our identity beyond the white coat? Here are some practical ways to reconnect with ourselves and build a life that reflects our true selves.
1. Set Boundaries Between Work and Personal Life
If we’re not intentional, our professional lives will bleed into our personal ones. One of the most important ways to reclaim our identity is by creating clear boundaries between the two.
Of course, depending on your specialty, practice type, and career stage, this can be easier said than done - so just do your best in your current season of life. Maybe it looks like:
● Create a work free zone at home - designate a specific area, perhaps the bedroom, where work is not allowed
● Block out Saturday mornings for investing in you - whether that’s reading, taking a walk, or stretching.
● Say no to extra responsibilities/shifts without guilt - if you don’t need to take on extra work, prioritize your well-being without feeling the impulse to justify it.
Protecting your personal time isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. When we invest in ourselves, we show up as our best selves in all areas of our lives.
2. Rediscover Who You Are
Think back to when you were a kid - what lit you up? Somewhere along the way, between exams, overnight shifts, and the relentless pursuit of professional excellence, those simple joys got buried under the weight of responsibility.
Unlike medicine, where outcomes aren’t always in our control, hobbies provide a space where the stakes are low, creativity thrives, and progress is measured in joy rather than productivity. Studies have shown that having a creative outlet can reduce stress, improve problem-solving skills, and even enhance professional performance by fostering a mindset of curiosity and adaptability.¹
Ask yourself: When was the last time I did something just because it made me happy? If it’s been a while, consider small, intentional steps to reconnect with those lost interests.
● Loved reading as a child? Try setting aside 15 minutes a day for a novel that has nothing to do with your career.
● Enjoyed playing sports? Join an adult rec league, sign up for a dance class, or go on a weekend hike.
● Always wanted to try something new? Pottery, photography, or even learning a new language can offer a sense of accomplishment outside of work.
The point isn’t to be good at it—it’s to do something that reminds you of who you are beyond your credentials.
3. Cultivate Relationships Outside of Work
We love venting with our colleagues - it’s validating. But it’s just as important to nurture relationships outside of medicine.
● Strike up a conversation with another parent at your child’s soccer game.
● Invite your neighbor over for coffee.
● Join a book club, religious group, or fitness class.
And of course, prioritize relationships with your loved ones. Whether it’s date night with your partner, bedtime snuggles with your kids, or quality time with a pet—these moments ground us in who we are outside of work.
4. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Reflection
Our jobs require us to be “on” all the time, which can make it hard to turn off. Despite knowing the benefits of mindfulness: mental clarity, emotional resilience, and improved focus;² it can feel intimidating or easy to neglect.
Try small, simple practices:
● Set an alarm twice a day to pause and take five deep breaths.
● Use an object at work that reminds you of a happy memory, such as a mug gifted by a loved one.
● End the workday with a reflection question – ask yourself: What went well today? What was challenging? When did I show up today as my best self?
5. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
At the start of each year, I set goals in multiple domains:
● Spiritual
● Family
● Health/Wellness
● Financial
● Career
● Intellectual
● Social
Notice that only one of these is career-oriented. That’s intentional.
We thrive when we embrace our multifaceted nature. What does success look like for you beyond your career? Only you can define that.
Medicine Is What You Do, Not Who You Are
At the end of the day, your white coat is just one part of you- - it is not all of you. Your worth isn’t measured by how many patients you see, how many degrees you have, or how many accolades you’ve earned.
True fulfillment comes from embracing your whole self - your passions, your relationships, your experiences outside of medicine.
So here’s your reminder: You are a whole, dynamic, beautiful person beyond your profession.
Now go live like it.
References
¹ Tan CY, Chuah CQ, Lee ST, Tan CS. Being Creative Makes You Happier: The Positive Effect of Creativity on Subjective Well-Being. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2021 Jul 6;18(14):7244.
² Davis, Daphne M., and Jeffrey A. Hayes. "What Are the Benefits of Mindfulness? A Practice Review of Psychotherapy-Related Research." Psychotherapy, vol. 48, no. 2, 2011, pp. 198–208.
